The Growth Series

Question

Why aren’t guys given the talk on the basis of virginity like girls…it’s usually how to protect yourself. Outside the Christian perspective. Why should girls be the ones to hold on to their virginity and not both girls and guys?

This is such a loaded question, regardless of how I answer the metaphoric gun has been corked, I will simply ask that you reading will avoid being trigger happy as we attempt to create growth and understanding from this amazing question.

True, there seems to be a lack of conversation from a guys perspective about his “virginity”. Worse still I have met gents and ladies who have had extensive talks about their virginity with their parents but still live life away from that perspective. Regardless of religious beliefs.

Ladies, I’m sorry to say but society is driven by fear especially when it comes to the conversation about sex. What do I mean fear? The biggest fear motive being, “she” will get pregnant. Pregnancy is not something that can be hidden forever and as such it is associated with bringing dishonour upon the family.

Most families would rather avoid the whole topic until marriage if they could. So lets get comfortable with this uncomfortable conversation, bearing in mind this is outside of a religious set up.

Society has been fabricated in such a way that men can enjoy some “freedoms” more easily than their lady counterparts. We have tons of Zambian quotes that can enter a relay race of their own.

In my relatively short experience, I have found the topic of sex is closely linked to pregnancy, so it might not even be a virginity affair as it is a do not get pregnant “in my house” type of thing. To whichever way you and your household swing, much respect and understanding to your situation.

It’s unfair for me to really speak on this topic, especially as to why we should all be virgins until we marry, like we should all focus on schools and not relationships until you’re suddenly too old to be single but I digress.

I am however very confident in the fact that our education system needs to have a comprehensive sex education. Schools are their to teach children how to fair in society and expose them to life saving teachings. Sex education is amongst those teachings that are neglected.

Sex education by the way, is not a lesson teaching children how to have sex. Its about equipping the children with information that will assist them as they make their decisions in life. Information is power, so hiding the topic of sex under a rock does nothing for these children. They learn it from television, from their friends in schools and worse from the internet.

They are getting exposed to dangerous ideas about sex and guess who isn’t teaching them? Yes, that is right. We are not teaching them the right ideas behind sex. You can shout and scream, kick and punch but at the end of the day, because they lack the accurate know how to make an informed decision, what do you think will happen when you’re not their and they are in a situation that compromises all they know about sex?

The biggest illusion we have is assuming because we “scared” them by shouting and not answering their questions that they won’t have sex. While we shout, the other person is polishing up their convincing skills. They will probably have a conversation and those skills will work beautifully. Guess what will happen next?

Because they can’t ask questions in a safe environment, when they are faced with the “opportunity” more times than not they will cave because they are underprepared for that test in life.

This will probably leave a sour taste in your mouth, I apologize for nothing in advance.

The only thing you are guaranteed in life is that you can prepare someone well enough to withstand the tests but even then, when the doors are closed, curtains drawn and no one home. The only thing I want is for them to be responsible enough to make the right decisions, whatever they may be.

Education about sex is critical to the holistic growth of a person. Afterall, it is part of what makes us, people.

Email your questions to mphiricharlie@gmail.com

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